A Minute

11:11.

My heart drops.

I know what I’m going to wish for and hate myself for it. That whole minute is spent trying to not say his name and failing. Over and over again, it is chanted, almost in reverence. That minute is spent eyes clenched, trying to stop the tears from spilling out, as every moment spent with him flashes through my mind. A kaleidoscope of memories, overwhelming, doubling and tripling everything I see, yet he stays singular.

The smell of blueberry smoke and Gucci perfumes surrounds me once more; I can almost taste the clove cigarettes he smokes. For that entire minute, is name becomes my mantra, my only connection to reality as I vividly feel the breeze against my cheek from the drives we used to take. Tears burn my eyes as I can almost hear his laughter. Memory after memory plays through my mind’s eye in this minute and it’s almost ridiculous how well I can remember the exact shade of honey his eyes were. The hours spent simply talking flit through my mind, soft voices, innocent touches. The night spent simply existing in each others presence, making time stand still if only just for a few minutes. When the moment ends I open my eyes, wipe away the tears and take a deep breath.

It is now,

11:12.

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